I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
