It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
