worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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