i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
