I'm lost and stupid without you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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