hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
