Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
