idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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