I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
