Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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