you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
