I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
