What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
