I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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