I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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