I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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