When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
