If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
