Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
