Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
