I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
