My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
