We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
