she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
