she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
