is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
