Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
