and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
