I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize