Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
