I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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