piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
