and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
