I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
