Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
