he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
