Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
