I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize