he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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