I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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