so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
