Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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