I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
