I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
