I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
