Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
