I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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