Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
