He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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