the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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