Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
