A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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