The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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