Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
