i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
