dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
