Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
