If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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