Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
