haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I accidentally had phone sex last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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