What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
