You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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