my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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