This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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