You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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