You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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