I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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