You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize