Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
