I skipped work to stalk him.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
they need to just BURY HIM!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize