at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize