That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
