I am puke
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
