Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
