I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
