Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
