Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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