her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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