I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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