I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize