Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
