he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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