he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
