So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
