If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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