he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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