There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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