I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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