Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
3 2 1 whiskey
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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