So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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