He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
