It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
