So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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