she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
