Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
