I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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