My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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