White coat. Heels.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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