I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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