watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
