Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
