Apparently you make a good broom.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
