just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
