sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize