Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
