DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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