Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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