Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
