Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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