I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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