I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
