elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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