I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
